fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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