i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
