I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
