Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
