three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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