She's JV to your varsity
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
