I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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