chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
