mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize