it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think your dad took our porno
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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