please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
