I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
