So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize