she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
