She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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