did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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