Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
