Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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