we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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