Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
