Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize