as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
