Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
