Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
