im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
