ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
what is it with giant penises always finding me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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