one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
