Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
