Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize