its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
