I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
