Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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