I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
