the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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