I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
