I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
