It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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