he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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