After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
