non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do herpes really smell.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
