You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
