there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
not ubering you a puppy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
