Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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