the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
NoShamevember. You game?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
