i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
