apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize