A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize