We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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