i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
