i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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