Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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