sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize