Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
