Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
