my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
