Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
