his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
