What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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