And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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