You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
