He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
