So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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