Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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