There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is my gift to your gina
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
