he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
