My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
