She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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