Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
